Desert Island Picks

This week's League topic:

You are stranded for 10 years on a deserted island. You can take with you the following: One food item (in a never-ending supply), one movie, one game, and one pop culture character.

First of all. Ugh.

I hate these desert island things because so much depends on my mood. I might want one thing on the day I'm stuck on the island and another just a few hours later. But clearly a decision must be made, so here I go.

ONE FOOD ITEM: Philly Cheese Steak from Penn Station

Every year on my birthday my wife gets angry. Birthdays are a big deal to her and when she asks me where I'd like to go for dinner on my birthday, I always have the same reply.

Penn Station. Take out.

Rest assured, there'll be no fine dining this coming July 6th. I'll be having a Philly cheese steak (no mushrooms) from Penn Station at my own kitchen table.

ONE MOVIE: Karate Kid

Duh.

ONE GAME: NES RBI Baseball

I could have chosen Monopoly or maybe even a deck of cards which could have provided me with countless games to entertain myself over the course of a decade on a deserted island.

Nope. RBI Baseball.

Give me Jim Rice to swat homers over the NES outfield wall and I'm good. Really. I never get tired of this game. You will not beat me at this game if I get Boston. (Rob Peters, if you're reading, your comments will be deleted)

ONE POP CULTURE CHARACTER: Larry David

This is the part of the League challenge that presented a struggle for me. I love Rob Gordon from High Fidelity but after a while, we'd irritate each other. I have a website about Mister Rogers but even he would be too much for a full decade. I'm gonna go with Larry David here.

Sure. Part of my decision is based on the fact that my wife and I have recently been watching a lot of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Really though...I think this ten-year relationship could work. The Curb Larry David and I are so much alike that it's scary. My wife never sees this type of stuff and even she told me the other day that Larry is a combination of her dad and me.

That's a compliment if I've ever heard one.

So, yeah, I think Larry David and I could enjoy ten years on an island together. We'd hang out. We'd leave each other alone. We'd abide by each other's unstated social rules. A good time.

Coincidentally, with this League post in mind, I just finished a book by Russell Johnson -- Gilligan's Island's Professor. Really a solid read for anyone who has ever watched the show. Two things I learned from the book:

1. The lagoon on Gilligan's Island was a blacktop surface filled with water. (I guess I'd never considered this show from a studio-production perspective)
2. The original theme song was performed by The Wellingtons -- three friends who formed a singing group based out of the University of Illinois -- here in Champaign-Urbana, Illinois.

Who knew?!

[Be sure to check out some of the other desert island picks from around the League.]

Record Sale 2013

I have a weakness and it's called cheap records.

As in previous years, I volunteered to help with a record sale which raises money for a local non-profit. Unless it's ultra-collectible, every record is $1.

Usually I wrap up my time volunteering with a handful of records that I take home and add to my own collection and last year I behaved myself quite well. This year, largely due to the person who donated their collection of 80's hip-hop albums, I did not exercise the same self-control.

Welcome to my collection, 70+ new records.

The Crappiest Comic I Owned

This weeks' League topic: Comic books.

While my childhood was filled with superheroes, whether they be in Saturday morning cartoon format or action figure format, I never really latched on to comic books. Now don't get me wrong -- my brother had a huge comic book collection so I, of course, spent a good amount of time following his lead by buying up my share of X-Men comics. Truth be told, though, I probably owned about 100 comics at that time and actually read maybe ten of them...at most.

I once traded a copy of G.I. Joe #1 to my brother for a switch-blade comb -- but, believe it or not, that is not the defining moment of my days as a comic collector.

The year was 1984 and my family was visiting my grandmother's house. As we always did on such trips, my brother and I walked to a nearby bookstore where comics were also sold. It was here that I bought a copy of Iceman #1 before walking across the street to a small park where my brother and I sat at a table to check out our newest purchases.

Disinterested in the comic itself, I sat looking at an ad for the upcoming line-up of Saturday morning cartoons. At this moment, from a branch just over my head, a bird decided to poop squarely on my comic. As I wiped the pages on the grass, my brother mocked me mercilessly.

So there it is, folks. When I look back at my childhood and I think about comic books, I don't think about the exciting stories or the detailed artwork or the fascinating characters.

I think about bird poop.

[Be sure to check out some of the other comic book topics from around the League.]

A Farmhouse, Junk Stores, and My 4th Grade Classroom

Today I returned from four days spent back in my hometown, but sadly, the reason for the visit was to attend funeral services for my grandmother -- up until this week, my last living grandparent. Following her services, my family and I took a quick drive by my grandparents' home which has been in my family for over a century -- the house where my dad was raised.

With the funeral over and my kids desperately in need of a nap, we headed back to my dad's where my wife and kids knocked out for a while. Me? I took advantage of a few free hours and hit up some local junk shops. Inside the first -- a place that is a legitimate antique dealer -- I came face to face with something that had not crossed my mind in at least 20 years.

FUN CHICKEN!

Now don't get me wrong. I don't have any awesome memories of Fun Chicken. The only memory I have is plugging a quarter in one time and getting an egg with a piece of candy inside -- only the piece of candy had melted and solidified at least once inside the egg leaving nothing more than a sticky mess. But this thing sat inside one of the local grocery stores when I was a kid and I saw it often. Now here it was -- rusted and retired to the inside of a shed.

Realizing that even if the price was right, I would be facing certain marital issues if I carted Fun Chicken home with me, I decided to venture on to another stop just up the highway. To the average passerby, this place looks like a scrap yard. But I'd been inside a few years ago and was feeling brave enough to go back.

Aside from a fear of contracting tetanus, the inside turned up some cool items such as this old Double Cola bottle. For a few years back in the 80s and 90s, my uncle owned the Double Cola plant in Evansville, IN where they also bottled the nectar of the gods known as Ski -- so Double Cola stuff always jumps out at me.

Or how about this stack of records, "carefully" stored in a room where I was scared to touch anything? A.) Nobody in their right mind stores records this way. B.) I was seriously scared to touch anything in this room fearing that an entire wall of stuff would come crashing down on me. Seriously.

Then there was this. A stack of local high school year books in a store specializing in vintage and antique items. I'm in two of these yearbooks. Not quite sure what I think of this.

After going home empty handed (for the record, I hit one more store the next day where I paid $1.50 for John Hiatt's Greatest Hits), I washed up and it was time for some food. What better place to eat on a trip home filled with nostalgia than the pizza joint that was once my high school hangout? There it was in all its glory. Same tables. Same chairs. Same wood paneling. Same overpriced thin crust pizza.

I was glad to see a handful of video games still in there. These two are in a spot where I spent a lot of time standing on Friday nights in the 80s -- playing or waiting my turn to do so while my parents ordered pizza.

Mario Bros. was up and running just outside the bathroom. A solid nod to days gone by.

But then there was this.

The jukebox in this place always sat in the same spot -- filled with 45s ready to be played for a quarter or five for a dollar. Now there's this contraption -- a touch screen with songs downloaded as they're requested. Sure they're keeping up with the times...but it's not the same.

The next day was a little rainy and cool outside, but I took a few minutes to stop by my old grade school building where I attended kindergarten through 4th grade. The building has been abandoned for many years now and sits just up the road from my dad's house as a sad reminder of simpler days.

Snapping a few exterior pictures with my phone, I approached the window of my 4th grade classroom and was disappointed to find that the screen and space between it and the window was just enough to keep me from seeing anything inside. But I thought I'd take a shot in the dark (pun slightly intended) and pressed my phone against the screen.

God bless the iPhone.

Right before my eyes, with the eeriness of seeing a ghost, there was my class on the screen of my phone. One blackboard had fallen off the wall and countless ceiling tiles had fallen to the floor. Wires hung freely and the floor was covered with debris.

But there it was. My 4th grade classroom.

The same spot I stood in 1986 when my class put on a performance of the Seven Silly Simons (amazingly taped and saved by the parent of a classmate). That's me in the sweet blue Ocean Pacific hoodie.

The days go by quickly. Times change.

Sometimes this is fascinating. And sometimes it's downright depressing.

I'm Too Sexy For World Peace

Bigger idiot?

Metta World Peace (Ron Artest) for giving this interview?

Or me for still owning this?

Mr. Potato Head Picks His Nose

For those who have been wasting time on FASTE for a while now, you may recall my mention about two years ago of a shirt I once had that I'd love to have again. But let's not neglect other stupid shirts I owned.

Yes, loyal FASTE readers...I used to wear this shirt as often as I could.

In fact, I still have it packed away in a box of old junk. That's my shirt you're looking at...complete with collar stains and all.

Here's some first-hand evidence of this shirt in action...not to mention evidence of just how awesome I was as a kid.

"Awesome" is open to interpretation.

Sign In, Please!

Real life is getting in the way and it seems that League posts have been my only posts lately.

So be it.

This week, the League throws out another open-ended challenge:

When I was a kid, my favorite _______ was _______.

While most people will rely on memory alone for this challenge, I have the luxury of filling in these blanks with documented details from my childhood thanks to Sign In, Please!

 

I got this book in second grade as part of a school book order or book sale of some sort. Either way, the idea is for a kid to poll his friends about the various topics at the top of each page -- favorite food, TV show, school subject, etc. While a few of my friends did "sign in", 21 of the 25 spaces provided were completed by either myself or my brother between 1983 and 1988 (14 by me).

 

Rather than post each individual page, let's take a quick look at the evolution of some of my favorites and my brother's favorites throughout the mid-1980s. Please be aware that everything below is transcribed directly from what was written in this book 30 years ago. Blame any spelling or grammatical errors on the kid me.

Enjoy. There're a lot of gems in here...

FAVORITE FOOD

Me: pizza > pizza > pizza > pizza > pizza > pizza > pizza > pizza & hamburgers > pizza & hamburgers > pizza & hamburgers > pizza & hamburgers > pizza & hamburgers > tacos & pizza

Brother: pizza > everything > everything > anything & everything > anything (with the exception of a few green veggies) > mostly junk food > M&M's and pickles

WHAT I LIKE TO DO THE MOST

Me: watch TV > read comic books > read comics > read comics > ? > play baseball > look at baseball cards > play outside > be in town on Friday night > be in town on Friday night > ? > be in town on Friday night > go to the movies > play basketball

Brother: eat & sort baseball cards > read comics > read comics > go shopping > eat & read comics & watch TV > play D&D, read comics, or watch movies > read comics, go to the movies

WHAT I HATE TO DO THE MOST

Me: homework > go to bed > go home from school > go home from school > ? > see the Cubs lose > see the Cubs lose > see the Cubs lose > mow the lawn > clean my room > poop > clean my room > mow, clean my room > fold towels, mow the yard, unload the dishwasher

Brother: schoolwork > wake up on school days > go to school > mow the yard > go to school, get out of bed, unload dishwasher > unload dishwasher > unload dishwasher, mow

FAVORITE MOVIE STAR

Me: George Peppard > George Peppard > Gary Coleman > Gary Coleman > Harrison Ford > ? > Michael J. Fox > Ralph Macchio > Michael J. Fox > Ralph Macchio > Steve Gutenberg > whoever plays Tackleberry on Police Academy > Ernest P. Worrell > Michael Keaton

Brother: David Hasselhoff > Nicholas Hammond > Harrison Ford > Roger Moore > Tom Hanks > ? > ?

FAVORITE MOVIE

Me: Huck Finn > Breakin' > Mazes & Monsters > Gremlins > Karate Kid > Karate Kid > Back to the Future > Karate Kid & Back to the Future > Karate Kid I & II > Karate Kid I & II > Police Academy I, II, & III > Police Academy I, II, III, & IV > Strange Brew > Ferris Bueller's Day Off & Big

Brother: Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla > ? > Mazes & Monsters > View to a Kill > Troll, Police Academy 2 & 3, Strange Brew > One Crazy Summer, Beverly Hills Cop, April Fools Day > A Nightmare on Elm Street, Part 3

FAVORITE TV STAR

Me: George Peppard > George Peppard > Gary Coleman > Gary Coleman > Rex Smith > ? > Michael J. Fox > Michael J. Fox & Kirk Cameron > Davy Jones > The Monkees > Jory Husain > ALF > Jim Varney > Bronson Pinchot

Brother: David Hasselhoff > David Hasselhoff > Nicholas Hammond > ? > Harry Anderson > ALF > ALF

FAVORITE TV SHOW

Me: A-Team > A-Team > Diff'rent Strokes > Diff'rent Strokes > Streethawk > Cardinal Control > Family Ties > Growing Pains & Family Ties > The Monkees > The Monkees > Head of the Class > Sledge Hammer > Sledge Hammer, Growing Pains, Who's the Boss, Mr. Belvedere > Perfect Strangers, Cheers

Brother: Knight Rider > The Amazing Spider-Man & the Incredible Hulk > Spider-Man > Voltron > Robotech > ALF, Sledge Hammer > ALF, Robotech

FAVORITE ROCK STAR OR GROUP

Me: Quiet Riot > Michael Jackson > Nena, Michael Jackson > Michael Jackson > The Jacksons > Bruce Springsteen > Sting > a-ha > The Monkees > The Monkees > Run DMC > Beastie Boys, Run DMC > Run DMC > INXS, Def Leppard, Poison

Brother: Quiet Riot > Nena > Nena > ? > Weird Al , Sly Fox, Van Halen, Harold Faltemeyer > Beastie Boys, Samantha Fox > Beastie Boys

FAVORITE SPORTS STAR
Me: Bruce Sutter > Neil Allen > Neil Allen > Neil Allen > Ozzie Smith > Ryne Sandberg > Leon Durham > Wally Joyner > Kareem Abdul Jabar > Kareem Abdul Jabar > Michael Jordan > Michael Jordan > Michael Jordan, Eric Davis, Jose Canseco > Howie Long, Jose Canseco, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky

Brother: Joaquin Andujar > Ozzie Smith > Ozzie Smith > Ozzie Smith > Juan Samuel, Dwight Gooden, Jose Oquendo > Cory Snyder > Ozzie Smith & Jim Lindeman

FAVORITE MAGAZINE

Me: Highlights > comic books > X-Men > X-Men > Highlights > Highlights > Cracked > Teen Beat > Teen Beat > Teen Beat > Teen Beat > Teen Beat & Muppet Magazine > Teen Beat > Sports Illustrated, Mad

Brother: Boy's Life > Alpha Flight > Alpha Flight > Alpha Flight, Dr. Strange, Cloak & Dagger > Mad (comics don't count) > Dragon > Dragon

FAVORITE BOOK

Me: Stuart Little > Stuart Little > Charlie & the Chocolate Factory > Charlie & the Chocolate Factory > Key to the Treasure > Chicago Cubs > What If They Knew > Joel's Journal & Fact Filled Fart Book > Space Camp > Karate Kid I & II > ? > Key to the Treasure > The Far Side > Key to the Treasure

Brother: Knight Rider #2: Trust Doesn't Rust > Sasquatch: The Apes Among Us > Captain America: The Story of Marvel's Star Spangled Super Hero > The Fellowship of the Ring > The Fellowship of the Ring > The Fellowship of the Ring

FAVORITE CARTOON CHARACTER

Me: Blackstar > Inspector Gadget > Inspector Gadget > Get Along Gang > The Kid > Kids Incorporated > Gruffy & Tummy > Gruffy & Tummy > Pee-Wee Herman > Garfield > ? > Pee-Wee Herman > The Far Side > Garfield

Brother: He-Man > Super Friends > Spider Friends > Voltron > Scott Bernard, Rick Hunter > Bugs Bunny > Bugs Bunny

Looking back at this, it is amazing to me that I can actually see the points in time where my tastes were forming -- the point I transitioned from baseball cards to going to the movies with my friends or from the Monkees to the Beastie Boys.

So cool.

For me, at least.

While I'm glad I've hung onto tons of stuff from my childhood, this book is near the top of the list. It's one thing to remember some things you liked as a kid, but to have it documented in your own kid-handwriting is simply priceless.

[Be sure to check out some of the other childhood favorites from around the League.]

Guilty Pleasures

I love open-ended League topics. This week:

Guilty pleasures.

Here are the first ten that came to mind.

1. I consider the McDonald's dollar menu a delicacy. Two plain McDoubles and a sweet tea. Done. 

2. I maintain a ridiculously detailed website about Mister Rogers. 

3. More often than I'd care to admit, I watch Maury just to see what happens when "you are/are not the father." 

4. When I was a kid, I had a subscription to Teen Beat magazine. 

5. Late 80's and early 90's boy bands are okay in my book. New Kids? Guys Next Door? The New Monkees? Yep. 

6. I love gas station coffee. Not the flavored stuff. The black coffee that's been sitting on the burner for hours. 

7. I have several Family Circus books and it's one of the few comics I still read on a daily basis. 

8. I like Mad About You. Really. 

9. When Hold On by Wilson Phillips comes on the radio, I don't change the station. I turn it up. And sometimes I sing along. 

10. I own seven different Vanilla Ice CDs including both versions of To the Extreme featuring different versions of Play That Funky Music. And I've seen him live.

Don't judge.

[Be sure to check out some of the other shameful tastes around the League.]

The Fun House Funk

Clearly, I have no shame and no self-control.

Not too long after I had the pleasure of talking live-action children's television with Pax and CT on the Nerd Lunch Podcast a few weeks ago, I stumbled across an interesting VHS tape at my local Goodwill. Since one of the shows we had discussed was Fun House, I snapped a picture of the box and popped off a quick tweet to the guys at Nerd Lunch.

Most rational adults would have stopped there.

Not me.

For just over two weeks, I kept thinking about that stupid tape -- not because I wanted to learn the Fun House Funk from J.D. Roth, but for a measly buck, it would be worth seeing just how bad this video was.

But I held out and saved a dollar.

Until yesterday.

In case you're wondering, yes it's as bad as it looks...and yes, it was worth every cent of the $1.05 that it cost me.

Upon further investigation, I was surprised to find that this video was a hot enough commodity that it was eventually released on DVD. Not only that, but there's even a second Fun House Fitness video out there.

Uh oh. You know what that means.

Swamp Stomp, here I come.

Eat It, Mother Brain

I've got this coming week off of work for spring break compliments of a job in public education and I certainly don't want to let the days pass by void of any meaningful accomplishments. In an effort to ward off complete and total laziness this week, I've been making a mental list of things that I'd like to accomplish during my time away from work. I'm very proud to say that I have already checked one major accomplishment off this list.

Ladies and gentlemen...faithful FASTE readers...it took me over twenty-five years...but tonight...

I beat Metroid.

Eat it, Mother Brain.